Hello readers, been awhile, so I’m not dating currently.. which of course means I think about it constantly. I’m going to compile 20+ years worth of knowledge I’ve gained over the course of my dating career. Hopefully you find this useful, these rules apply to both girls and guys… most of these are no-brainers but from the posts I read and the bullshit I’ve been through, some people need a refresher…
So, here we go… 10 rules of dating in 2018, from a 36-year-old disabled bachelor who has had love, lost it, been the good guy, the great guy and the bad guy at one time or another.
1. If they make an effort to talk to you or see you, they like you. If they don’t, they are probably making the effort with somebody else and just keeping you on the back burner. Don’t be a chump.
2. If their phone is blowing up at all hours of the night and you’ve been together for a while, it’s time to start making an exit strategy, you are probably about to get cheated on and more than likely, you already are being cheated on, at least emotionally.
3. If they put stipulations on seeing you or talking to you, such as, “I just can’t focus on dating right now, I’ve got X bills to pay and just can’t think of anything else, but I wish I was in a better place and I’d totally be into you.” They are fishing for money, they don’t love you. Now there is nothing wrong with helping your girlfriend/boyfriend if they are struggling, but never help a girl/guy who isn’t yours. They are just digging. If you put on your captain-save-a-hoe or captain-save-a-douche cape and pay their bills so they can “focus on dating”, guess what, you won’t be the one they are focusing on. See Rule #1 for clarification.
4. If you are dating, are you a priority? If you aren’t, wrong person, time to bail. For example, count the ratio of phone calls/texts outgoing and incoming. If it’s skewed, you are screwed.
5. Don’t ever under-estimate the ex. They are your worst enemy. If your partner is meeting with her ex because, “They are just friends.”, you are playing with fire. You’ve been warned friend.
6. If your sex life is tanking, you better figure out why. Most people lose interest in sex from time to time, but if that time lasts more than a month or so, they probably aren’t uninterested in sex, just sex with you.
7. Are they there for you during the hard times? If your appendix bursts or you must have a major surgery or you are in the hospital… are they there? If not, it’s time to move on. Why are we with anybody at all? Because life sucks a lot and you need somebody during the shitty times, if they ignore this basic unspoken contract, you are with a douche. Run.
8. Do they say “I love you.” If you have crossed that threshold into “I love you” territory and you find yourself the only one saying it, move on. This is basically their way of telling you, I don’t love you, you are a place holder until somebody I do love comes a long.
9. If you have kids and they never ask you about them, never want to see them, never buy them a present on their birthday or Christmas, then run, your kids deserve better.
Finally and this is the most important:
10. Do they try to make YOU happy? Are they willing to spend their time and energy into making sure you are happy in the relationship? If not, they are selfish, or worse, you got together with some kind of psycho incapable of caring enough about you to make you happy. So run!
Here’s the good news.. and the bad news… Dating is hard. Chances are, if they are cheating on you, the person they are cheating with considers them a side-piece and has no intention of ever letting them get past the occasional bang stage. They will likely put them through the hell they are putting you through, so as hard as it is, at least take solace in that. In the dating game, cheaters never really win. Likely this person causing you this pain has intimacy issues, walls that are 10 feet high and low moral values anyway, even if you got to the center of that Tootsie pop, it would probably just make you sick with its moral bankruptcy and sour taste anyway. So quit wasting your time, money and effort. Just let nature take its course, the older they get, the harder it is to find somebody, as the good ones are usually taken, the bad ones have herpes by now or never want to settle down and they will eventually end crying in a corner wishing they had somebody that treated them the way you did.
As for you? If you love with your whole heart, if you are honest and caring and compassionate. If you reverse the rules above and treat them the exact opposite of the negatives of those rules, eventually you will meet somebody who has more than 10 brain cells firing at once and wants a normal, happy life with you. Just hang in there. There is always that girl or guy who has been shit on for 10+ relationships in a row that will recognize the effort you are putting in and will return it back to you in spades.
So don’t give up, but if your radar starts going on, be man or woman enough to leave. You deserve better dear reader. Don’t be afraid to take a break either.. I am. I have a few wonderful women I could date, but I’m still recovering from the last one and the worst thing you do to a woman (and I’ve learned this the hard way), is to heal yourself while dating someone new, you WILL hurt this person. Just be strong enough to take a big bite of the shit sandwich that is being alone until you honestly are over whoever came before. Might take a month, might take a year, might take more, but it’s worth it, because when you are fully healed, you are going to be ready to make someone truly happy and that’s all that really matters in the end. I promise, if you make someone happy, they will return it and it won’t cost you anything more than kindness, the cost of the dates and eventually the return on that investment may just end with you and your wife, 30 years from now, rocking together on the porch watching a sunset together.
So hang in there, be strong and make sure when you are ready to go swimming with sharks again, there is no blood in the water… they can smell it and they will devour you if they think you are weak and vulnerable.